Drinking On Mardi Gras: How To Do It Right

Last week, we pondered the question of what to drink with king cake. Today, we offer some advice on how to get your Fat Tuesday drink on without collapsing in the gutter.

It won’t do you much good for Carnival 2012 (since it passed two days ago), but the same general rules apply to most all-day events, including St. Patrick’s Day, the Fourth of July, and in New Orleans, Jazz Fest and Southern Decadence.

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Fat Tuesday (aka Mardi Gras) is different from most other days of Carnival in that it starts early with a slew of events across the entire city, from open-house parties to piecemeal walking parades to the big “official” krewe parades like Zulu and Rex. To do Fat Tuesday properly, you need to be up and out the door — in costume, of course — by 8am.

And you need to walk out that door with a drink in your hand. (Leave the car keys at home, please.)

Here’s where it gets tricky: Fat Tuesday is an all-day thing. If you’re on a parade route like St. Charles Avenue, you’ll probably be there until sundown waiting for the last truck floats to pass. And if you’re in the Quarter, you may be out even longer.

More importantly, Fat Tuesday is a social event. You wanna go out and get staggering drunk? Fine. You and your liver enjoy that on Friday, Saturday, or Sunday night. But on Tuesday, you need to be able to make conversation with only a sliver of slurring.

Here are a few options to keep you in check:

Beer: Beer may not seem like the most festive, celebratory drink, but on Fat Tuesday, it’s exactly what the doctor ordered. Beer has just enough punch to keep you pleasantly giddy, but not so much that you’re likely to regurgitate that six-pack in a stranger’s alleyway. (Your odds improve if you take care to eat a few calories during the day.) Pick something light — maybe a pilsner — to keep things on an up note. And for jeebus’ sake, get that beer in a can or put it in a go-cup: the last thing we need on Fat Tuesday is more broken glass in the street.

Champagne: The great thing about champagne and sparkling wines — as anyone who’s ever thrown a dinner party can tell you — is that they go with everything. They’re also the perfect drink for celebrations like Carnival: smart, sassy, and a wee bit debauched. Some people find that champagne gives them a headache; if you’re in that number, try mixing it with orange juice (to make a mimosa) or cranberry juice (which, sadly, doesn’t have a name of its own). Doing so will allow you to scale back on the headache and dial up the nutrients, which you’ll appreciate later in the day.

Wine: Though you might not think of swilling wine on a parade route, it’s actually a perfect choice — especially red wine. After all, it’s one of the few beverages that’s meant to be consumed at room temperature. Plus, it comes in a huge variety of flavors and textures, meaning that you can find at least one to please your palate. If the weather’s warm — as it sometimes is on Fat Tuesday — pick one of the lighter varieties, like chianti, beaujolais, valpolicella, or cotes du rhone. And if you’re hosting a party in your home or on the neutral ground, pick up a couple of big, cheap bottles — box-o-wine is fine — and make a nice sangria. Red sangria is more traditional, but white sangria is a great choice, too — especially with a little champagne or ginger ale thrown in to keep it nice and crisp.

Duck Fat Sazerac

Duck Fat Sazerac from Haddington's

I love Sazeracs. I love their taste, the aromatic Herbsaint cozying up to the spicy rye, offset by that squeeze of lemon oil. As a shamless promoter of New Orleans, I love them because they are the official cocktail of my beloved city. I love them so much that  I found a way to tell the history of New Orleans using only the ingredients in the Sazerac. And now I’ve found a new way to love them. The bartenders down at Haddington’s bar in Austin, TX have created a Duck Fat Sazerac. They infuse the rye with duck fat and use that as the base of this classic drink. According to the drinkers at seriouseats.com, the drink “tastes clean, nutty, and not the least bit cloying.” Now all I need is some duck fat and room in the freezer. Something this luxurious and over-the-top sounds like the perfect cocktail for Carnival.

Tippler’s Dilemma: What Cocktail To Drink With King Cake?

King cake is an amazing thing.

For starters, it’s only served during Carnival, so in theory, you can only get it between Epiphany (January 6) and Fat Tuesday.* Limited availability makes anything special.

Also, it comes in a vast array of flavors. Some prefer the “traditional” king cake, which doesn’t usually have much flavor apart from the granulated sugar on top and maybe a little cinnamon mixed in the dough. I for one find that completely underwhelming: bring on the Bavarian cream or the apple and goat cheese, please.

However, king cake also presents a major dilemma: what the hell are you supposed to drink with it?

Vintage Tippler: A Swinging 60s Travel Bar

Need a birthday present for your favorite booze hound? Here’s a a fabulous vintage Tippler find on Etsy: a portable bar complete with four aluminum tumblers, two aluminum shot glasses, a bottle opener with hors d’oeuvre knife, a mixing spoon, and a double-sided jigger with handle. (Not like we’re ones to pay much attention to jiggers — it’s a whole lot simpler to eyeball things — but it’s nice to look at.)

And the best part? That spectacular fabric on the interior. It’s like the curtains your Aunt Nell used to have — and we bet it smells faintly of gin, just like she did! Ah, memories.

If New Orleans weren’t so blessed with so many worthy venues, we’d have to snap this up for ourselves. and at $76, the price is totally right.

For The Perfect Martini, Just Use A Pencil

Shaken not stirred

Clearly James Bond didn’t know what he was doing when he ordered his VODKA (horrors) Martini SHAKEN (double horrors) not stirred. For those interested in creating perfection, ask scientists. Speaking of science, I look back now on all the lame, junior high science projects I cranked out at the midnight hour (The Ear; The Benefits of Oat Bran on a Diabetic’s Blood Sugar; Grandma’s Home Remedies) and wonder, why in the hell I didn’t consider analyzing the best way to make a drink? That would have yielded more useful knowledge for my future tippling self. Sigh.

Oh well, if you want to know the secrets, check out the Telegraph.

In Scotland, It’s Burns Night

Tonight, across Scotland, groups of soggy Scots will raise copious glasses to celebrate the birthday of their nation’s poet and champion, Robert Burns. A Burns Night feast includes the requisite Scottish dishes of haggis, neeps and tatties (turnips and potatoes), and ends with cranachan, a fluffy dessert, which Steve Ciccarelli over at Esquire, argues can get you drunk. But based on this typical Burns Night script, it looks you should be good and hammered by the time the cranachan arrives, what with all the toasting to the haggis, the ladies, and to the immortal memory of Burns himself.

I’ve always thought it sad that the United States lacks a holiday full of feasting, toasting and national pride, but removed from overt politics. Thanksgiving really isn’t about America, and if scrutinized too heavily, then we have to own up to our screwing over of the entire Native American population. The Fourth of July seems to only vaguely point at history while we chomp on BBQ and watch fireworks. Even Presidents’ Day is more about selling mattresses and cars and less about old George or Abe. The problem of course is when you organize a holiday around politics or politicians, you end up with dull, safe solemnity.

More Resources For The Vintage Tippler: Happy Hour At 33 RPM

When my future husband and I first shacked up, we kept regular happy hours, almost of of which were accompanied by music from a record player. Perhaps our all-time favorite was 1960s jetsetting beats of Herb Alpert and the Tijiuana Brass. Like a great tippler, the music was polished but it never took itself too seriously. In fact, I’m not sure any other band has ever surpassed the Herb Alpert for sheer drinkability.

Recently Gavin and I realized it had been far too long since we’d had a listen, and so I asked him to revisit his collection to determine which Alpert and Brass album deserved top cocktail billing. His vote: the vinyl vacation Going Places (1965) aptly named for its upbeat, Vegasy renditions of just about every genre known to humans and which spent eighty-four weeks on the top ten pop charts. What a wonderful alternative to the soporific electronica now heard at many upscale bars. Have a listen at Pandora.com.